IFS Therapy for Beginners
IFS is a therapy popularized by Dr. Richard Schwartz, based upon the idea that “the mind is not a singular entity or self, but is multiple, composed of parts.” Woah… like multiple identities??? No, not quite. Our parts are more subtle, working together - and sometimes against each other - in order to attempt to stabilize the system.
“Parts work” is not new in the therapy world, and often I will deviate from the IFS model with clients. Parts work is woven into schema therapy, ego state therapy, and more. What I like about IFS is that it gives language to the system and our parts, which makes it easier for clients (and therapists!) to get to know those parts and their role within the system.
Each part has its own beliefs and feelings. Some parts may feel younger, and some may feel older. It’s important to know that each part often strongly feels that it is right, which can lead us to experience a lot of conflicting emotions and engage in behaviors that ultimately do not help the adult “Self.”
According to IFS, our Self is who we are when we are experiencing the 8 C’s: compassion, curiosity, courage, clarity, creativity, connection, calm, and confidence. Some of us are unsure of who Self actually is, what they look like, and what they feel like, which makes sense when our parts have been at the wheel for most of our lives!
Imagine how you feel on a warm sunny day, outside connected with nature. Maybe you are surrounded by loved ones - laughing… reminiscing… making new memories. Or, maybe you are alone - feeling present… feeling gratitude… soaking up the warmth and noticing each unique tree, plant, and animal you come across. For once, your mind is not full of chatter. You are curious about the world around you – nonjudgmental. You feel a sense of pride for taking care of yourself, engaging in this peaceful, much needed time with the Earth. You beam as you look around, feeling a sense of wonder. You feel connected. This is Self.
In IFS therapy, there are three kinds of parts:
Managers - (Protectors)
Managers protect us by attempting to organize and keep us safe. They usually run our day to day lives, attempting to suppress any emotion and pain from our Exiles. Many times, Managers can perform to the extreme, causing us to eventually burn out. Managers may be perfectionistic, critical, people pleasing, and overachieving. If you notice that you are running on “high” - getting things done and being productive; yet neglecting self-care, play, and emotions in general, your Manager is likely in the front seat.
Firefighters - (Protectors)
Firefighters try to protect us in very different ways than Managers, which is likely why they often bump heads. True to their title, Firefighters tend to come out when Exiles are feeling neglected and unheard. Firefighters want to soothe that pain in any way that they can. They act with a sense of urgency. This can lead to more overt behaviors - like addiction, self-harm, and lashing out - and/or more covert behaviors - like disassociating, overeating, oversleeping, or spending hours video gaming and watching TV.
Exiles
I don’t really like the term “exile” but I suppose it’s a fitting label for these injured, often traumatized parts. Exiles tend to be our young parts… child parts. Our systems are set up fairly early on in life in order to protect us from abuse, abandonment, self-hatred, neglect, and so on. Exiles have gone through immense pain, and were often shamed when they showed vulnerability. They do not want to burden others, but they want so badly to be heard. Exiles often internalize that shame, burying it deep down. One of the main goals in IFS is to unburden the Exile(s). With their consent, we can unburden them and finally allow them to be heard.
There are many more aspects of IFS to write on later, this is just an introduction to the language of parts. Parts work can be transformative — it allows Self to finally lead, to sit in the front seat, integrating the knowledge of our parts without letting them take over.
Here’s an invitation to you: start to get to know your own parts, and reflect on the theory of having parts. Does it resonate with you completely, or are you more hesitant? Open-minded curiosity is always a good thing.
With gratitude,
Sarah
Anderson, F., Sweezy, M., & Schwartz, R. (2017). Internal family systems skills training manual trauma-informed treatment for anxiety, depression, PTSD & substance abuse. Ashland: PESI Publishing & Media.
Schwartz, R.C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wellness with the internal family systems model. Sounds True.
